People

    A friend who I used to see sporadically took me to the hospital on Tuesday. He not only refused a contribution to the fuel and the tea leaves he had brought back from England for me, but he plans to do this every week (the lift, not the tea!). Perhaps it is because his wife has cancer so he understands. But then this could be a reason why some people would offer little.
    Yesterday a long term but passing acquaintance, agreed to have coffee with me, and shared quite a lot. She had breast cancer and radiotherapy last year.It was good to talk about some of the similarities and difference.
     Later I felt really sad thinking of her. Perhaps it is easier to feel sad for someone else rather than oneself ?

Pain in the....

 Since this is a full and frank blog I share more news of a sexual nature. It now hurts when I ejaculate....as with all the side effects so far: bearable but not nice.
   There are signs of the growing level of stress: like I skidded the car rather frighteningly along the mountain road crash barrier partly through not concentrating properly, and yesterday morning had a huge outburst of tears because my Amazon order went wrong. These are not normal occurrences in my life.
    I promise also to keep up with positive news, like my daughter paid us a surprise visit out side the hospital. She lives in the city that is an hour away where I attend for treatment. Her huge hug was the highlight of my day.

Oh Dear ll

    The ache has returned. It is there a lot now, especially when I pee, which on two litres of water a day, is often. It is liveable with, so is the skin soreness right round my lower abdomen, so is the stinging bum, so are the very frequent farts and bloating and indigestion and nausea.
       Together though they had up.
         So does the inconsistency between the Doctor and the nurse. It felt quite caring that the doctor had asked to see me after my 8th appointment but less so when she told me I do not have sore skin, and ushered me out. The nurse had written down the cream and soap to get for my skin.
         I am so thankful for the support and love from my wife and children that help balance all this.
      

Oh Dear

Warning, we are getting explicit here, and I am about to mention sex. The doctor had said there would be no erectile problems but I was just a little concerned. Never the less when it came to it, such concerns were no where on my horizon. It was only afterwards that I thought, oh good, everything worked well. Suddenly though I noticed an unusual ache in my penis.  I went for a pee. That did not help. I drank a large glass of water and waited. I have been told to drink two litres of water a day, but I was not told why. Maybe this would be the reason. Another pee, there was no difference.
      I am pleased to say however over the course of the next day or two, and the next ten glasses of water the ache subsided.

That Tiny Child

       That tiny child that is in us all sometimes needs attention and we don't realise. We wonder about that somehow unexpected tearfulness, and eventually the penny drops. Something is not so bad to us the adult but feels really scary to our inner child.
         Radiotherapy is like that for me.The big machine is only there to cure my cancer and all its strange movements and noises are to do me good. That is logical. And I have got used to it.
         This ignores the part of me that screams when the rays start to enter my body and just wants to be held and comforted afterwards.

Tears for Fears

      Is it just me or do you have this thing that when you are feeling rather emotional, someone being kind tips you over the edge and out come the tears? It happened to me on Thursday. One of the people who has really been there for me, lets call her Donna, was saying how she and her partner would help in any way they could.I dissolved.We were sat in the courtyard of a popular town cafe.
      There seem to be four categories of people in my life at the moment: those that don't ask about how I am and if I say anything about cancer or having to go everyday to the hospital, tell me about their sore throat, then there are those who do ask, those that offer some help in some way then those like Donna who are able to emotionally connect and to offer help in quite an unconditional way.
         Some of the people in the first category have been friends for 30 years! Dear Donna has been a friend for about a year.

Day two

I think I might have to come up with more imaginative titles: it could become a little tedious by 'Day twenty-nine'! Anyway my first 5,30  session was the same as the previous session except at 5,30! And no interesting-side-effects talk. I was on my way home by 6.
   So what IS it like, the actual session? Like sitting under a nine feet high food mixer with the beater blades removed and replaced with a foot square piece of glass. The two nurses move me around like a piece of meat on a slab until I am lined up just right. They can tell because three weeks ago I had dots positioned with the aid of an ultra scan tattooed to my sides.Then they switch on and beat a rapid retreat. The machine comes to life with a gentle hum and starts to move round me like a dog eyeing up a snake, and about to make a lunge for it. I wait for the lunge. It does not come.Instead I experience a slight hot tickling sensation in my skin and, dare I say it a sense of something heating up a little bit of the inside of me just behind my balls.I have many experiences that tell me that is where my prostate is.

Day One of Radio therapy

So here i am back home in our rural cottage, stomach gurgling, feeling at least  it is over for today.The only surprise was the three page write up on side effects they gave me. Yes gut problems feature prominantly. And I am to avoid my four favourite drinks: wine , tea, coffee and beer. Ofcourse the beer in Andalucia is cold continental lager so not SO dificult to give that up. Mind you I will admit I actually quite like the stuff after living here for 14 years.
One down 34 days to go.Oh and they now want me to come at 5.30pm.

Radiotherapy starts tomorrow

It has been over a year since the suspiciously high Prostate readings and it has been a long and difficult journey to this point.Maybe more on this later.
 My treatment, radiotherapy starts tomorrow. Typing this seems risky. So many times I have set off for the hospital expecting certain things to happen and they havent.Three weeks ago I was expecting to have a simple one day procedure called brachytherapy. Now I expect 35 sessions of radiotherapy. We shall see.
 It does not help that all this is taking place in a country whose language and way of doing things cause me still to struggle.I have got by with the gratefully received help of my wife and daughter, both more proficient with the language.
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