Viral Spain Blog 20^th January, 2022.

Moods, emotions, even at 69 they are a bit of a mystery to me. I woke up this morning feeling sad. I even wonder if in western society that is a normal thing to say? I don't think it is. Worse we are not even supposed to feel it. Yet is it not quite a common emotion? No wonder I have not got this emotion business sorted.

There is a tendency in my mind to ask why do I feel this way. I do not know. I do know that there is much to be said for approaching one's emotions with curiosity and compassion. The two together give an easier, kinder, sense of self inquiry than the simple question 'why?'

For me after the two Cs comes acceptance, and then the feelings usually slide away.

I was ill at the weekend, sore throat, head and face ache, very tired. Sarah was going to visit a friend on Sunday and I thought if I have got it I want to start my quarantine sooner rather than later. So we both tested. We were both negative.

By Monday I felt I was well enough to go for an extended cycle ride. I have not made time for this for weeks, so flask, and rudimentary lunch packed, off I peddled. All the way to Lanjaron I thought 'This is a mistake, I have hardly got better, I don't feel like this!' Breakfast in the sun, hot chocolate and buñuelo, simply added a slight queasiness. I persevered and turned towards the Beznar reservoir for a coffee break. I sat down near the fast stream running into the sparkling waters of the lake. A heron took off from nearby. I was suddenly in heaven and so glad I had come.

Now I have to tell you of a realisation from my visit yesterday to the audiologist. We, the hard of hearing are under surveillance. The technician was able to tell me the hours, minutes even and volume of use of my devices for the past week. I was expecting any minute for him to say 'and your wife has very noisy orgasms' !

I assume it is a government plot: the spy in the ear. Audiologists are agents of control. I am fooling him though. I left my devices switched on in the kitchen over night, and at high volume. Maybe 'they' were able to hear the cat snoring and will be wondering why I was up all night.

Anyway the trial continues. Or as I said last night with complete unawareness, I will just have to play it by ear!

Have any of you been watching 'Afterlife' on Netflix? Ricky Gervaise plays a difficult man coming to terms with the death of his much loved wife. It is a comedy but a hugely poignant one.

I have a friend who told me he likes to talk about death every day in order for it to stop being a taboo subject. It seemed like a good idea and so.....

My beloved grandfather died when I was 24. I did not know how to react so I didn't. Perhaps I have mourned him since. A suicide, a murder, and a stroke ended the lives of three dear friends when I was in my 40's. Then the big one, both my parents died within five weeks in 2002. I have not been the same since, it has been a release and a huge sorrow.

Now, approaching 70 I think, as more friends die, this is how it will be. Until it is me. I am continuing to look at how I make the best of my last decade or two. I am continuing to wonder how to cope as friends die. Death is inevitable. Lets talk about it.

Go well.

 

Viral Spain Blog 13^th January, 2022.

Our small electric clock in the kitchen ticks. Who cares? I do. It is the first time I have ever heard it. I have started a trial with hearing aids and it is one of a panoply of sounds I have never heard before. Actually I mustn't lie, it is the only new sound that comes to mind but I love that word panoply.

And I have had the hearing devices for less than 24 hours. In fact now I recall the weird array of sounds I heard in the car driving back from the audiologist yesterday. I hoped there was nothing wrong, there were so many new noises. No warning lights had come on before I got home so I guess it was okay!

What interests me is how different this trial is from the one I had four years ago. Sarah noted I already had the little devils in when I took her tea this morning. I am not so startled by new sounds. Either the devices are better, or better set up, or I have changed. Probably all three, they cost a bit more, the audiologist....well he comes over as less assured than the last one but seems to almost relish my questions so is pretty keen, and me?

I have reluctantly accepted that the time has come. I have got fed up with asking for repeats in conversation, of understanding so little Spanish, or English for that matter when people are wearing masks as I have to see a face to 'hear'. I am aiming to treat it as an adventure in sound and turn them up to full volume now and again to see what I can hear.

'Deaf aids' were what my Grandparents wore when they seemed incredibly old. So I still struggle with letting people know I am getting them. Last night at Bio Dance I had to steal myself to ask the leader if we might have the music at a lower volume due to my new aids. It was worse when I told the group. I saw it as a therapeutic act. No one screamed, ran out of the room, or the real fear (especially with a young and largely female group ) tried to avoid dancing with such an old man, well as far as I could tell.

Writing about them is not so hard. I know most of my readers are old or oldish and kind or kind-ish...well, no mean bastards detected so far! I still find the phrase 'hearing aids' difficult to use...maybe it is too similar to what my grandparents wore. I like hearing devices better, or even, note the link to my new years reso's, ' listening devices'. Perhaps that's a bit extreme.

Which brings me via this very strained link to the extreme 'Cards Against Humanity' game. It gives an idea of the nature of the game and its inventors that the person to start is the person last to have had a crap. For some reason my family just assume and I always start. We played it over new year and is more fun and less controversial than Monopoly but lasts almost as long. There is some controversy but more in the nature of one conclusion we found: 'Most marriages end with....throwing a virgin into a volcano'. It goes down better after a drink or two or even a puff or three as was my New Year's experience!

So it is coffee time here and I will end on a positive note. According to one expert and one very opinionated friend who describes himself as having read across a range of reputable sources, we are at the beginning of the end of the pandemic. The new strains will continue to be less potent. This means a virus survives longer in a host and therefore spreads better and becomes the more prolific strain, taking over from older strains, and eventually becoming more like the flu infections we have long known.

Go well my friends.