Viral Spain Blog 31^st March 2022.

Riding on a bus in a third world country my companion Peter seems to have disappeared . I asked another passenger who I knew and she could only make the vaguest of suggestions. It seemed he must have got off at the last village, but why? Would we manage to reconnect. This was a dream I had last night, and in fact Peter disappeared some thirty years ago after being college, holiday, and drinking friends for more than ten years. Last I heard he was moving to Bristol, maybe even promised to send me his new address, but I never heard another word from or of him.

Peter was not a man one could get close to, not a man of feelings or connection, but we seemed to knock along pretty well together. We both liked cycling, and talking about ideas. He could be a bit negligent about all sorts of things. His mother once said to me 'Peter will not push himself ´. So I guess I was not the only one never informed of his new address.

Why though has he surfaced in my dreams now? And why did the dream have a strangely disturbing feel to it? I guess I never mourned the end of the friendship. It had no clear ending. For a long time I expected he would be in touch. Feelings are still lurking. It is something of an insecure time for us too. We keep getting ill, and now I have a tooth to be extracted. And we leave for the UK in nine days. I find it boring when people go on about their health concerns so I won't. One's own are somehow fascinating and we long to talk about them but other's are so dull. Why is that? Maybe you see it differently?

I will just tell you though that I have it on good authority from no less than the Harvard School of Medicine that you cannot do anything to boost your immune system. Or at least there is no evidence of anything working. In vitrio testing of animal tissue suggests the absence of some micro nutrients might make a difference but as in every other case they say more research is needed. So there is little point in going overboard with vitamin C or having cold baths. The best they can offer is to keep your overall health up to scratch. And maybe (yes you guessed it, more research is needed ) keep your stress levels under control.

So for me it is more meditation, even less alcohol and coffee and avoiding those places where close contact with many people occurs. No difficulty in avoiding metro trains but Biodance maybe a bio hazard! Then we have that flight to catch. Then again, after three jabs, and no contact with anyone much Sarah and I both got ill in January and tested positive for Covid! But I am in danger of doing what I said I would not do...

Trains, so many people seem to really like them. I do too, sometimes. I do not like them crowded, and sometimes the cost is prohibitive. But my clever wife sought tickets between Bristol and Rugby for us to drop our hire car and head to the canal boat and they were going to cost 142 pounds for two. But some scouting around found us tickets for 65 pounds. And not just two but six tickets, you may have heard of the rail web site which divides the journey up into separate tickets for shorter stretches to reduce the overall cost. I had no idea it would save this much. It is called raileasy.co.uk. I can only assume that tickets are far cheaper per mile for shorter stretches because there is more competition. Anyway it is great to save so much and without having to book on the only two days that very cheap deals are widely available.

Okay that is all from me. I won't be taking my lap top for our two weeks in England but hopefully I will manage to keep you posted next week. Stay healthy.

 

Viral Spain Blog 24^th March 2022.

Did you get the brown dust treatment last week? The mountains around here disappeared behind a fog of tiny suspended sand particles from the Sahara. We have had milder versions before. This was much denser and brought down by heavy rain to give a yellow brown coating to all horizontal surfaces and many vertical. We envied our neighbour whose house is painted a creamy brown colour on which the stain hardly showed.

Luckily we saw an add by enterprising friends offering pressure washing. We booked them and headed north for a weekend with daughter and partner. We drove 300km. on Thursday (hence no blog) and they caught the train down to Ciudad Real after work on Friday. We were all staying in Almagro. It is a picturesque place, with new houses built to look like the older ones and no blocks of flats anywhere near the centre. The main square is surrounded by wooden buildings. To be honest I rarely get excited by buildings but enjoy the historic atmosphere they create and love to visit new landscapes. The town is surrounded by very green undulating countryside peppered with volcanoes and castles. We climbed a very steep track to see a dramatic hill top fortification. I was pleased to find I could!

Next day we went to see a volcano. It was shut! No really. There was a little pay hut and a locked gate and the whole volcano was fenced off.

It was Sarah's birthday on the Saturday so we went for a posh meal. The food was very good but unfortunately my wild pig came alone, a huge plateful of delicious sliced meat with nothing else. I am worried that this reveals my lack of finesse in the food department, but I longed for a chip or two.

Our return on Monday was easy. The rain held off until after we got here. Alas the clean up had not taken place. We learnt while we were away that it wouldn't but it was still a disappointment to see the skin of mud half way across every tile. Heavy rain had created a semi clean effect but done nothing for the walls nor windows.

And now it is back again. The brown rain is spattering. The mountains sit behind a yellowish veil. The wind is howling and the dust spreading.

I feel grateful that it is not bombs and bullets besieging us. Our weekend was a good escape from thoughts of war.

It was also another chance to continue to get to know our 'son in law'. (They are not married but he has become somehow more than daughters partner.) We had some good conversations and these usually veer between fun and seriousness. I told them how I like sometimes in a low moment to think of all the people that love me. Alex later said how he hoped I realised he was on the list. I was so touched. It was both the sentiment and that he felt able to share it.

So, an escape, some significant sharing, and beautiful countryside and town. Even the predicted rain held off.

And now alas I am back to the sore throat and headache malaise that has been coming and going since Covid over a month ago. I thought I was over it. I will be.

Go well my friends.

 

Viral Spain Blog 11^th March 2022.

Would I or wouldn't I? Sitting in the opening circle of Biodance on Wednesday evening I did not know. It could be embarrassing and raise nothing. I wanted to see if people were minded to contribute to a collection for UNICEF's children in Ukraine campaign.

A few people spoke then I took the plunge. I am so pleased I did. We raised in total 175 euros. Since then I have been trying to get UNICEF's UK website to accept the money! I hope the non functioning of the computer is due to an over whelming number of donations. I shall break off from this when the Uk opens for business to phone them.

Wouldn't it be great if all the charities helping out in Ukraine were over whelmed with donations. I even felt quite optimistic when I got home on Wednesday evening and counted the money. Since then I have had a little foray into the British newspapers a kind neighbour brought back from the UK on Monday, but alas soon descended from my relatively positive mood. Now I am back to my media abstinence. I have a friend who accused me, a few months ago of carrying the troubles of the world on my shoulders. I cannot deny it. I am not sure how to be light hearted and care free when there is a pandemic, global warming, Brexit and a war.

I aim not to think about these areas except in a problem solving sort of way. I meditate twice a day. I go out into the garden to enjoy the view, the flowers and the sunshine whenever it is sunny, and quite often when it is not. I spend a minute or two stroking the f—king cat whenever.

I even have a therapy session every three weeks, maybe I will look specifically at 'carrying' less next time.

My friend and therapist shared her woes and then I shared mine, an hour each way. This is what we do. It means no money changes hands and I get to practice my therapeutic skills as well as receiving some. We have been doing it for years. One might imagine it would be difficult to move from deep self examination and the woe that can sometimes arise in this, to a position of support, reflection and re-framing that might be needed immediately after. In practice it has never arisen. We do take five or ten minutes at change over for a breath of fresh air or a pee, then somehow we can just proceed. I guess both of us have been involved in therapeutic work for decades. Receiving as well as giving sessions is a normal part of being a therapist.

In my session last week I picked my friend's brains about relaxation or guided meditation recordings and she recommended an 'App' called Insight Timer. I have now used it seven times, mostly with the same recording. It is called `Yoga Nidra for Sleep and Rest ' and lasts half an hour. It includes tracking through the body one finger at a time. So far it has only sent me to sleep for a siesta and not at night but there are nearly three quarters of a million meditations on the app, so I can probably find one that works for me....or die trying!!

I just tried UNICEF again and they could not help me as I have a non UK post code.

They suggested I ring again after nine when head office will be open. Who knew it could be so difficult to give. Sarah and I must have spent a total of 3 hours on this so far. Alright some of that is registering my new credit card and updating my banks contact details. I feel I need to stick with UNICEF as that is what I told the dance group. One more call!

Go well my friends, and don't mention the war!!

 

Viral Spain Blog 3^rd March, 2022.

Another Biodance start to the blog....showing last week in a new light! The altered state I referred to might have been because I was coming down with something. I felt a bit ill over the next few days...or was it a blip on what proves to be a long Covid recuperation? Anyway the Biodance bit felt pretty good at the time.

I was so tired last night I did not go at all. Some gentle exercise in the sunshine did little to revive me.

Although it was an exceptional day. I did nearly four hours driving comprising two trips to Motril. Not a usual thing. We are thinking of swapping our car for an electric version. I was test driving a Kia E- Niro. It was very speedy...with about 200hp it is not surprising. I always remember how the light of my Dad's driving life was a Humber Sceptre with 88hp and of mine, a black Peugeot 205 GTI with 105 ! Things have moved on.

Anyway I wanted to try it on mountain roads, not just because it is fun to drive fast cars on mountain roads, no there was a logical reason of course. We do most of our driving on mountain roads. So what better than the route back home.

On Tuesday night I was very nervous. It was my farewell to the men's group ceremony. I could not work out what was making me nervous. I guess it was new event to me, never having left before! No that did not fit. I have just thought it is more likely a relic from my childhood. The men's group had become my family and family events often disappointed. ( I don't much like Christmas even now!)

Anyway it was brief and touching. One man even brought me some daffodils from his garden. That particularly touched me, something extra. In my experience people seldom give men flowers, which makes it all the sweeter.

Afterwards I felt hollow. A significant feature of the last three or so years is over, and by my choosing. There has also been a good, optimistic feeling of new possibilities. I have in mind to meet several of the guys for a beer or coffee. There is also a new men's group started in the valley. And having only Biodance makes that group more significant.

I have just shut my eyes for a minute. Mmm, again, it is so lovely. A heavy eyed gift from an indirect route. Sarah and I both have those sounds in the head that don't exist. Luckily they do not seem to be indicative of schizophrenia, rather the more mundane and much preferable tinnitus. A specialist has given Sarah some tablets that are supposed to help so I have tried them too. They consist of supplements and melatonin. It is the latter I suspect of having given me the heavy eye lids.

And so far there has been no noticeable impact on my head full of sounds. At least I do not get Sarah's heavy lorry noise, rather a chorus of roosting starlings or sometimes a more varied twittering. For a long time I thought I was really hearing birds....then I realised I heard them in the dark as well.

I have not yet updated you on my friend seeking romance in Cambodia. After a lovely week things seem to have taken a turn for the worse as the new love is not happy that my friend still corresponds with two Filipino women!

Yes I know it is called living vicariously, but this way I get some of the fun but little of the heartache and I stay married.

And you CAN try this at home. Have a great weekend.

 

Viral Spain 24^th February, 2022.

Beautiful brown eyes, gazes exchanged, seconds pass, maybe a minute; It is Bio- dance night again! I arrived feeling a bit out of sorts, so much so that ten minutes into the dancing I was wondering about going home. Somehow this morphed into feeling wonderful, loved, loving and deeply content. I wish I could remember the dance that did it, or the partner. By the end of the session I had a sense of being in an altered state and was trying to think of words to describe it. None came.

So, yes I did enjoy Bio-dance last night. There were 29 of us, the biggest group ever. In fact it was the largest I have encountered of any sort of group in Orgiva in my 22 years here. Bio-dance appears to be taking off! I do not understand why this is happening now when previously such groups have staggered on with barely enough members.

Anyway I shall not I suppose find the answer, but I will enjoy. Last night it was a lovely escape from sadness about the situation in the Ukraine. Now I read eight people have already died in shelling. Can you imagine the feeling of being shelled in your home city as you try to get last minute supplies in or look for a safe place to be. I also note the views of people on the street in Moscow saying there has got to be a better way, and feeling ashamed of their country.

I am guessing this is not about any of the things that Putin says it is about. Most of them, according to a BBC fact check turn out not to be true anyway. No, I think this is about controlling Ukraine's mineral and other resources which are considerable. What do you think?

As I have been writing this I have been swapping backwards and forwards on the lap top with El Pais in English, The Guardian, and the BBC to keep up to date with this news. I shall stop now. There is a danger I will become preoccupied and increasingly miserable. Maybe I will see if there is a charity I can send to that will help the war victims. This might help me deal with the situation.

For now though I will move on.

At the end of last week we had an interesting three days of speculation and discussion and I cycled up to near Cañar to view a cortijo for sale. Two people very dear to us were interested in a property. We were on tender hooks, will they, won't they? It is a three bedroomed new build with 5000m2 of land for 75,000 euros, a bargain we all thought. Alas in the end they decided it was beyond their means. It does however signal that these dear souls are serious in planning to move to live in this area. That is good news indeed!

Also last week we had a Woofer as we call them here: A helper who works for their board and lodge. I found it took a little while to feel relaxed with her but during her four days we exchanged information on diet (ginger is good, lemon is very good, sugar is out!) and shared some yoga, plus I taught her how to do a ten minute grounding meditation. She even did the sweeping, juicing, sawing and digging we needed.

Since then we have exchanged two messages and I have sent an email. Could this be one of those very rare occasions when a casual visitor becomes a long term contact? We shall see. She is travelling Spain and France in her camper van so could be an interesting correspondent.

By the way my correspondent on his way to Cambodia arrived, missed his internet date but eventually caught up with her. How will it go? He is now being nursed by her as he has a temperature. Covid? More wait and sees.

You will be rushing to your computers next Thursday. 'Til then, enjoy all you can!

 

Viral Spain Blog, 17^th February, 2022.

What do you say after you say hello? It is a familiar question, but what do you say after you say goodbye? Not much, the person is not there, so the ending revolves around in one's head. I left a men's group on Tuesday after three plus years of sharing and connection.

I was no longer alongside with the aims nor some of the methods, and the timing had always been wrong for me. But....it is hard. Sadness and thoughts of missing out predominate. Fortunately there will be a brief leaving ceremony which I suspect will help.

Changes in life can be difficult or can be an adventure. My friend in Australia flies off to Cambodia this week partly to meet some women he has been connecting with via the internet. He may start a new life there. He is seventy!

Now I will begin to think of what new things I will take on. Do I need any? The last two years have been shaped by restrictions and Covid concerns. At last the chance seems to be there. Is that how you see it? Are you opening out your life?

I ventured out to canoe on the sea on Sunday. I had missed several possibilities and finally made it. What a joy it was. Like the big bike I ride I did recently it took a while to relax and enjoy. The sea caves were the key. West of La Herradura are several big enough to enter. The waves make strong crashing and bubbling sounds, there are bright red algae in the sunless corners and I have a sense of being in a slightly dangerous place. I love it.

The sea was almost flat which meant I could explore tiny inlets in the cliffs. Down one I found a beach barely bigger than my canoe and landed. It was magical. I had to keep my head down as the cliff came forward over the pebbles. I could not see beyond the tiny bay and felt totally immersed in this wild place. Inevitably I had a flask of coffee and sat and sipped in a state of delight.

Not a huge experience like the elephant story from last week but we do not need very many of those in a life time.

It feels good though to still be having little adventures at 69 and also to have a growing sense of satisfaction in my life. It is very easy to let my comfort zone contract and hold me back. I have to fight a bit harder to keep my life interesting.

Lately I have been focussing on my relationship with Sarah. What is good about it and what would make it even better? I am amazed to find that just holding that question and doing one or two tiny things ( peeling some mandarins for her, emptying the organic rubbish, a bit of a back rub ) has made an enormous difference to how I feel. I hesitate to say it, but it is rather like being in love all over again.... maybe with a bit more realism!

Okay, no more lovey dovey stuff ....at least not ´til next time! Which brings me to some questions about this blog. A bit like a relationship....what do you like about it and what would make it even better?

Tell me what you think and as usual feel free to comment on any other aspect.

Perhaps I can end with a little advertisement. I am looking to take on one or two people for psychotherapy sessions. Costs are negotiable and we would have one or two free sessions to start to see how it might go. I would also consider internet sessions. Nudge that friend (or yourself! ) who you know needs a bit of help.

So that is it for another week. Enjoy all you can.

 

Viral Spain Blog, 10^th February, 2022.

Have had further thoughts about banking difficulties...and actually it is the conversations on the phone I find difficult, not the logging in etc. And it is down to poor hearing which has happened in my life over decades. So it's a hearing thing not an old age thing!

I was hoping for a big improvement with hearing devices. So far no, I shall persevere.

I am excited and looking forward to the resumption of 'normal life' after being ill. Still waiting, it is taking a long time. It is a good feeling though. Normal life seems pretty good right now.

And warm weather is just around the corner. I love wearing nothing but shorts and teeshirts.....well you know, with the requisite underwear! I find here there is a relatively short period between too cold and too hot but I love it.

We have recently been inundated with voluntary helper applicants.....we still call them WWOOFERS from the original website that was for willing workers on organic farms! Now, 'workaway' and 'helpX' are more about cheap travel and meeting people. In truth the work they do in return for their board has always been of variable quality. Now we only take over 25's and there is some improvement. I remember young people not used to physical work lifting a pick a few inches and tapping the ground with it. We have had some great one's too. Here we do not have as much work as we had at the Cortijo and it is nice to meet and get to know a traveller and share experiences. We have a good cook (at least I hope her claims are true!) coming on Sunday. Her references talk of her doing a sterling job of clearing up after a party as well. We have had 'good cooks' before who made an incredible mess of the kitchen.

Funny thing is, nearly all our Wwoofers turn out to be good looking young women. I assure Sarah it is just down to availability and who had the best request and references. I am not sure she is convinced.

Next week then we will get lots of sweeping up done. I shall have some vegan cooking tips and one or two meals prepared in my slots. There will be a noticeable absence of oranges and olives rolling around the patios. All leaves will be swept up and several annoying stick trees will be for the chop. Do you know the ones I mean? This time of year they are literally tall sticks but they are an invasive species slowly creeping into our garden from the ham store grounds.

I am noticing how there are not always interesting occurrences in my life about which to write in this blog.....so here is a story from my past. My 30^th birthday in fact.

Do you know what a cross elephant looks like? I didn't, but there is no mistaking the sort of swinging thing they do with their trunks. I was travelling alone through India and out for a walk in Corbet wild life park with a Dutch woman. We had seen the park elephants used for tiger spotting rides. Then we saw an elephant ahead on the track. This was unmistakably different; looking at us, not happy. He walked towards us. We kind of shrunk to the ground, holding each other, terrified. A few yards away he left the track and we thought he was gone. Then there was a wrenching sound, undergrowth being torn up by a great force. It was the big guy circling round ! He came back on the track just behind us, gave us a glance then walked on. We watched in silence until he was gone.

Happy adventures.

 

Viral Spain 1^st February 2022.

Do you ever put things in 'safe places' ? I do not recommend it. Twice now I have put my banking details in safe places which I have never been able to find again! This last time I searched and searched. My safe places are too safe.

So now I have been through the rigmarole of setting up my internet banking yet again. I think call centre staff should be selected like the BBC used to select it's news readers, you know, nice clear voices, no beards nor regional accents, Queen's English. It seems to me the opposite policy is adopted with bank call centres. Rumour has it they are often in Asia so that would account for a preponderance of Asian accents! I had my secret weapon, new hearing devices, volume on high, but still I struggled to discern what my particular respondent was saying. My paranoia that I might get the process wrong or fail to record an important number/password/ code and its correct description accurately was not helping. I could tell she was getting a tiny bit impatient.

Maybe they should have 'old buffer' training as well as impeccable speech ? I waited patiently for my new coder and new code number to come in the post. I was told I would have to ring again and quite frankly I was dreading it! I opened the brown envelopes yesterday and found the code had expired on Friday! I will not repeat here what I said then. But....all was not lost, one could get a new code on the website! I went through the necessary steps, slowly and carefully with young, clever and computer literate wife on call. After ten minutes I found myself in on line banking! I was amazed and so relieved. No phone call, new code retrieved, wonderful. (Why do they send a code by post anyway?).

There was even another bonus. Sarah cannot access the savings account for reasons known only to bank people so we had not accessed it for a long time. The balance has grown over covid years, yes it is nearly two years now, and was three times what we were expecting!

So I have put all the papers, coders, numbers etc. away in an unsafe place. And I have put a note on the calendar to check our balances next week before I forget the unsafe place or how to do it.

Amazing I find all this. Only a few months ago I still felt like a young(ish) man. That is actually a huge exaggeration. I don't think I have felt young and competent in the face of internet banking since they invented it.

Anyway, to return to the concept of safe places. Last week, when looking for yet more codes, and user numbers, this time for making international transfers I was examining a very safe place, an old photo album when 350 euros fell out! So another happy ending to a safe place story.

Everything comes to he or she that stands and waits? Some of you will have read on my face book page that we both came down with nasty flu/cold type things ten days ago. And we tested positive for covid. It was miserable. It was not the mild post vaccination malaise we were expecting. I suspect that is just a feature of old covid, shiny new covid hits for six.

So stand back and avoid!

 

Viral Spain Blog 20^th January, 2022.

Moods, emotions, even at 69 they are a bit of a mystery to me. I woke up this morning feeling sad. I even wonder if in western society that is a normal thing to say? I don't think it is. Worse we are not even supposed to feel it. Yet is it not quite a common emotion? No wonder I have not got this emotion business sorted.

There is a tendency in my mind to ask why do I feel this way. I do not know. I do know that there is much to be said for approaching one's emotions with curiosity and compassion. The two together give an easier, kinder, sense of self inquiry than the simple question 'why?'

For me after the two Cs comes acceptance, and then the feelings usually slide away.

I was ill at the weekend, sore throat, head and face ache, very tired. Sarah was going to visit a friend on Sunday and I thought if I have got it I want to start my quarantine sooner rather than later. So we both tested. We were both negative.

By Monday I felt I was well enough to go for an extended cycle ride. I have not made time for this for weeks, so flask, and rudimentary lunch packed, off I peddled. All the way to Lanjaron I thought 'This is a mistake, I have hardly got better, I don't feel like this!' Breakfast in the sun, hot chocolate and buñuelo, simply added a slight queasiness. I persevered and turned towards the Beznar reservoir for a coffee break. I sat down near the fast stream running into the sparkling waters of the lake. A heron took off from nearby. I was suddenly in heaven and so glad I had come.

Now I have to tell you of a realisation from my visit yesterday to the audiologist. We, the hard of hearing are under surveillance. The technician was able to tell me the hours, minutes even and volume of use of my devices for the past week. I was expecting any minute for him to say 'and your wife has very noisy orgasms' !

I assume it is a government plot: the spy in the ear. Audiologists are agents of control. I am fooling him though. I left my devices switched on in the kitchen over night, and at high volume. Maybe 'they' were able to hear the cat snoring and will be wondering why I was up all night.

Anyway the trial continues. Or as I said last night with complete unawareness, I will just have to play it by ear!

Have any of you been watching 'Afterlife' on Netflix? Ricky Gervaise plays a difficult man coming to terms with the death of his much loved wife. It is a comedy but a hugely poignant one.

I have a friend who told me he likes to talk about death every day in order for it to stop being a taboo subject. It seemed like a good idea and so.....

My beloved grandfather died when I was 24. I did not know how to react so I didn't. Perhaps I have mourned him since. A suicide, a murder, and a stroke ended the lives of three dear friends when I was in my 40's. Then the big one, both my parents died within five weeks in 2002. I have not been the same since, it has been a release and a huge sorrow.

Now, approaching 70 I think, as more friends die, this is how it will be. Until it is me. I am continuing to look at how I make the best of my last decade or two. I am continuing to wonder how to cope as friends die. Death is inevitable. Lets talk about it.

Go well.

 

Viral Spain Blog 13^th January, 2022.

Our small electric clock in the kitchen ticks. Who cares? I do. It is the first time I have ever heard it. I have started a trial with hearing aids and it is one of a panoply of sounds I have never heard before. Actually I mustn't lie, it is the only new sound that comes to mind but I love that word panoply.

And I have had the hearing devices for less than 24 hours. In fact now I recall the weird array of sounds I heard in the car driving back from the audiologist yesterday. I hoped there was nothing wrong, there were so many new noises. No warning lights had come on before I got home so I guess it was okay!

What interests me is how different this trial is from the one I had four years ago. Sarah noted I already had the little devils in when I took her tea this morning. I am not so startled by new sounds. Either the devices are better, or better set up, or I have changed. Probably all three, they cost a bit more, the audiologist....well he comes over as less assured than the last one but seems to almost relish my questions so is pretty keen, and me?

I have reluctantly accepted that the time has come. I have got fed up with asking for repeats in conversation, of understanding so little Spanish, or English for that matter when people are wearing masks as I have to see a face to 'hear'. I am aiming to treat it as an adventure in sound and turn them up to full volume now and again to see what I can hear.

'Deaf aids' were what my Grandparents wore when they seemed incredibly old. So I still struggle with letting people know I am getting them. Last night at Bio Dance I had to steal myself to ask the leader if we might have the music at a lower volume due to my new aids. It was worse when I told the group. I saw it as a therapeutic act. No one screamed, ran out of the room, or the real fear (especially with a young and largely female group ) tried to avoid dancing with such an old man, well as far as I could tell.

Writing about them is not so hard. I know most of my readers are old or oldish and kind or kind-ish...well, no mean bastards detected so far! I still find the phrase 'hearing aids' difficult to use...maybe it is too similar to what my grandparents wore. I like hearing devices better, or even, note the link to my new years reso's, ' listening devices'. Perhaps that's a bit extreme.

Which brings me via this very strained link to the extreme 'Cards Against Humanity' game. It gives an idea of the nature of the game and its inventors that the person to start is the person last to have had a crap. For some reason my family just assume and I always start. We played it over new year and is more fun and less controversial than Monopoly but lasts almost as long. There is some controversy but more in the nature of one conclusion we found: 'Most marriages end with....throwing a virgin into a volcano'. It goes down better after a drink or two or even a puff or three as was my New Year's experience!

So it is coffee time here and I will end on a positive note. According to one expert and one very opinionated friend who describes himself as having read across a range of reputable sources, we are at the beginning of the end of the pandemic. The new strains will continue to be less potent. This means a virus survives longer in a host and therefore spreads better and becomes the more prolific strain, taking over from older strains, and eventually becoming more like the flu infections we have long known.

Go well my friends.

 

Viral Spain Blog, 31^st December 2021.

Happy New Year...but before we get on to that, how was your Christmas? We had a very average one. Oliver was a bit quiet then at lunch developed a head ache and headed to his room for the afternoon. (If only we had known!) And of course the very welcome rain meant we did not go out for our usual Christmas walk. We all felt a bit lacking in energy.

The new eco giving regime sort of worked. Some resorted to chain stores but we all managed to avoid Amazon!

The big and totally unexpected news of the week however came three days later when Oliver's preflight Covid test came back positive. We all took a day or two to digest this news, especially Oliver who had a flight to cancel and a new plan to work out. He and Sarah talked through the options yesterday morning and he hopes to get a second test which if clear will mean he can fly back next week. And now we understand why he, and the rest of us were not at our best over the festive season. We cannot blame it all on the competitive spirit and fuel for discord that seems to arise from the Monopoly board!!
We, Isobel Sarah and I are also quarantining and new regs mean this is only for a week. I was sorely tempted to breach mine as the sea conditions forecast is the best I have seen in years and I really wanted to exploit the great weather with a canoe trip today! The risks would be minimal...I don't socialise on the drive, the launch or the trip! However in the end it just did not feel right, and might not to anyone who saw me heading off. A canoe on the car roof is far from inconspicuous.

Maybe this year we should have played secret sickness?

Back to new year considerations, whatever they are. Actually I rather like the idea of new year resolutions having rather disliked them for much of my life. It does feel like a new start and a chance to review life. This feels especially pertinent to me as an older guy. Do other older guys feel the same? Each year feels to me a bit more precious than the last. And while I like to think in terms of at least fifteen more, who knows.

My resolutions for this year revolve around connection with my fellow humans; Listen and respond to what I hear, Touch (one word is all I wrote, but you know what I mean, safe caring touch, no naughty stuff ) and Speak from the heart, ie. with honesty openness and care. So there you have it. They feel a bit daunting, especially now I have revealed them to the world. Okay so aim high Chris, make those years really count!

' How to Blow up a Pipeline ' was one of my Christmas gifts this year. This was from Oliver. Who knew he was an anarchist, or perhaps he thinks that of me. That could make my final decades really count.

I am only half way through but already Andreas Malm is making a good case for direct action. Only empty words, and a few changes, are all that have occurred so far. Many millions are invested in coal and oil. It is obvious that the needed changes will not happen without a drastic new initiative. Anyone want to borrow the book?

I leave you to cogitate over this and to consider your new year. I wish you well.

Merry Christmas Blog 2021. (24^th December ).

So many things to consider in the run up to Christmas but hopefully it is now nearly all done for you as it is for us.

I have yet to wrap. I like to do that while listening to the carol service from, I believe Kings College Cambridge on BBC radio 4 (at 4 here ) . It is a ritual that might not last. I remember last year noting some of the, what is to me, nonsense, in the readings and prayers. I do like the carols though, or I think I do....maybe if I attended to the words!

We are back this year to our usual pattern of giving with more than one gift in every direction. Last year we wanted to get away from consumerist Christmas, and the resultant madness and brain strain about what to buy. We did secret Santa. It was a fiasco as the website got it wrong. They must employ the lousiest programmers in the English speaking world when the prime and very simple task of assigning one of four presents to one of four people could not be achieved. Fortunately some complications over posting and timing were discussed and revealed the mistake.

This year we decided to make guidelines for less consumerist giving. We want to give smaller gifts and to shop locally, definitely no Amazon buying, nor Amazon destroying gifts.

I will let you know how it goes. An added detail seems to be not using plasticised wrapping paper. Our kind neighbour brought us back last weekends newspapers from England so I am going to use those. Oliver has wrapped in brown paper with hearts on it! Other presents are still en-route to the tree.

It is however a plastic tree but I am sure we are on form after seven years to make it last the required ten years to make this more ecologically sound than natural trees.

We are also turning the heat down in the house. ( I mean physical not emotional !). This however I will admit is more due to our son being here from cold Canada than eco concerns. He and his house mates have their central heating at 21'c. Our temperature depends on the number of logs we shove into the wood burner. It is a bit hit and miss so we have to open doors, and stringently control the cylinder gas fire in the kitchen.

Before any aware readers throw up their hands on horror at these two environmentally unfriendly heat sources I will say we do have the house pretty well insulated.

Okay, so I wont get much into what we are going to eat or do over Christmas...I fear fish is not so sound, card games must be okay though?

So it is time and there is space to write of the true meaning of Christmas. If only I knew. It seems the powers that be picked a convenient date, many centuries ago to over ride pagan midwinter festivities and make a big Christian festival. Does that minimise it's real meaning for Christians? I only have, as far as I know one Christian friend, and she has only just mastered posting on face book so whether she will see this blog I don't know. Mary (good name for the occasion ) are you there? Please tell us about the meaning of Christmas for you!

I have evolved a sense of what it is all about for me. It is a time to reflect on what is important in our lives, on connection, love and purpose. That for me is almost a definition of my spirituality in general. Good congruency there then!

Happy Christmas and may 2022 be the year of much needed change in the world for all of us.

Viral Spain 16th December 2021.

 

Viral Spain Blog 16^th December 2021.

Do you talk to your hairdresser? If you are a woman this is a silly question. From my limited experience of women's hairdressing, that is half the reason to go there! However, to say the least, I have a very varied experience of haircuts, from being forced to have one as a teenager (aspiring to Rolling Stone 'styles' ) to these days quite liking them.

Yesterday's pre-Christmas trim was actually enjoyable. After three or four years I know the barber quite well. He is a portly 40ish bald local man who I knew had a tale or two to tell. Feeling my feet more in Spanish I decided to launch into conversation. His comment on the cold mornings set us off and I told him of my cold cold bike ride some 19Km. along the valley on Tuesday morning (for my spanish class as it happens). He was impressed, 'not like you are a spring chicken nor nothing' he said (roughly translated ) so I told him how exercise and meditation help keep me from ageing too much. Mentioning meditation was the key to his world of strange experiences. He sees himself as meditating all day as he cuts hair. He said he has amazing powers of concentration which started when he was nine with an extraordinary experience of disappearing into a source of light. These went on for three or four years but nowadays he simply has experiences of disappearing into objects! He was speaking in a heavy local accent through a mask. I questioned him pretty carefully and think I got this correctly. Maybe it was just his pet mouse disappearing!

You never know what you are going to learn in Orgiva. It is a place where every third foreigner practices some esoteric method of personal development but I did not expect to find Orgiva's alternative soul in the hairdressers.

I was just looking at Orgiva Massive face book community page (seeking the ultimate in alternative practices with which to entrance you) but read of the death of a Quaker Friend. I am saddened by her death even though this great lady had been in and out of hospital and care homes and I suspect was ready to leave us. Apparently she had a peaceful end with her daughter and grandson beside her. I guess we all hope for that and as one well wisher commented on face book it cannot be taken for granted these days.

Inevitably for us oldies this brings up thoughts of mortality, especially to one who is 69 tomorrow. Not so old I tell myself . I am just about the oldest in my men's group but some way from oldest in my bio dance group. I suppose I might have another twenty years. Each bit of reflection, each delve into consciousness brings me to a greater determination to make the most of my last decades. I can't recall if I have mentioned a final afternoon of my last men's group training looked at life purpose. I am now thinking I do not need a great project, a new business or whatever rather a growing awareness of how good my life is already. I have just taken a cup of coffee out onto our terrace, enjoyed the cool air and the recently risen sun, the large Jakaranda tree and the very blue sky. Inside is my lovely wife, emotional and physical warmth, and our lovely children are travelling many many miles to join us next week.

So despite Covid and brexit and global warming lets all do our best to be grateful for what we have and strive to make the world a better place especially for those who have least.

Merry Christmas, felices fiestas.

 

Viral Spain 9^th December 2021.

I have just been looking at the calendar to see if I could work out why I did not write a Blog last week. I can't, so then I looked at Facebook to see if I had written one; NO. My memory is not as good as I would like!

Yesterday I got a letter from the bank asking for me to log on to internet banking to give them an up to date email address. Unfortunately I cannot find the little code maker they supply for getting into internet banking. I guess my next step is to see if I can satisfy the requirements for phone banking!

Inconsequential happenings I suppose, but they feel significant to me because this Summer when we were in the UK I went into the bank to sort this all out and promised myself I would log on once a month so I would remember the numbers or where I keep them, where the codifier is, etc. Next thought I had about internet banking; yesterday.

This would all matter less if the bank would give Sarah and I (joint account holders)

equal access. They won't.

Makes me wonder how even older, even less competent people manage? I guess they do not have internet banking.

Anyway, gripe over, lets talk about my canoeing last Friday. I remember that!

It was a cold but sunny day, temperature just climbing to 18'c by the sea. (Yes that is quite warm for you Brit dwellers.) The forecast showed a gap in the windy weather with much of the coastal sea conditions 'rizada'. That means 'curly' but having just looked it up in the dictionary, to be sure of my facts, I am f-cked, or my story is. It also means slightly choppy. That is exactly how it was. I find a slight chop really uncomfortable in the canoe. I thought 'rizada' meant smooth and curly, which is how it usually is when the forecast says 'rizada'. Anyway despite hints of nausea I was able to enjoy being afloat, the sun, the sea, the dark cliffs and the tiny beaches.

And when I got in I remembered the steep beach-side steps. I wheeled the canoe on its rickety home made trolley up to the steps and was beginning the lift when a man walking past offered help. Wonderful, we had the canoe up the steps and onto the roof of the car in one smooth movement. What I wondered though is why this happens so rarely. The man was Belgium. Are the 'helping people' norms different with different nationalities? Do I normally look so competent? Is it a man thing? We men are supposedly bad at asking for help. I think that is the one! Ask Chris, ask. And maybe look less confident?

This is in danger of becoming a gripe piece: maybe if I ask questions it is not a gripe. Why do hearing aids cost SO much? For the price I have been quoted I could buy three electric mountain bikes, or four modular canoes ( a new direction planned to reduce lifting problems) or nine pairs of glasses with graduated lenses. I could even get a similar micro electronic device, a mobile phone for 11% of the price of audiofonos.

The man in the shop tried to baffle me with science talking of miniature processors and complex interlinking of the two units. I actually think he was talking b----cks! Surely even if you are a bit deaf the brain still does the processing to determine sound direction. Okay they have to be high quality mini-amplifiers with an exceptionally good selectivity and boosting of certain frequencies but 2000 euros each?

Anyway, I hope not too much of a gripe piece and that you are all lining yourselves up for a great festive season.

Viral Spain 9th December 2021

 

Viral Spain Blog 25^th November 2021.

Bananas, yes bananas, they are an important part of our life! Yesterday morning I popped into the greengrocers. I asked what bananas they had and was pointed to some short stumpy ones grown locally and two euros a kilo. We are on a buy local drive at the moment so I bought some asking for one or two ready to eat next day and felt pretty pleased with myself.

What is it they say comes before a fall?

This morning porridge was made, lightly cooked bananas within, mmm breakfast on a cold morning! No! The banana had a sort of green taste. Sarah says floury. Anyway they were barely edible. We will see if they improve with further ripening but Sarah might buy some standard bananas this morning just in case!

I find life to be like that, if not full of the unexpected, at least with a healthy measure of it. Take last weekend, we had a men's group training weekend. It was due to be about designing our initiation. We had two highly experienced trainers over. On Friday morning our parent organisation in the UK phoned to say they would not be releasing their Mentoring Handbook to us. There has been a chequered history of the UK people helping then not helping us, their Spanish off shoot. We were not therefore very surprised. And being adaptable our trainer team decided to give us a weekend on mentoring instead.

It seems we are finally severing our UK connection.

Anyway it meant I had a weekend learning about mentoring which to be honest I don't know if I would have opted for. I was a probation officer in the UK for 22 years and latterly took part in training at least a dozen student probation officers, even did a lecture or two at Exeter University. There are also my 40 weekends of Psychotherapy training lurking in the back ground. On Friday I was not sure how relevant my old experiences might be to 'mentoring'. Also my career did finish 21 years ago. However by the end of the weekend I began to feel a growing surge of confidence, even competence!

On Sunday afternoon we looked at our current motivations and life purpose, something we might work on with mentorees. First though we need to look at ourselves and ask 'what makes me get up in the morning with a smile on my face? '

The answer for me is a mixed bag of activities and plans that do not comprise a fulfilling whole. We have been set the task of finding our current life purpose in the next four months. I have some work to do.

One question is how different is it if one is retired and nearly 70? Tell me what you think older readers! Meantime my dear friend and daily correspondent in Australia is saying I have more to offer because of my age. He lists the qualities and experiences I can bring to my life purpose. I shall spare my blushes (and maybe yours ) and not list them here.

This all may be true but certainly bucks the societal trend, as I perceive it, that the old be put out to grass and largely ignored. Maybe I will be testing that norm.

Now though it looks as if it might have warmed up a bit out side and I shall hop on my bike for a stimulating 40 minutes of pedalling in the sun.

Thank you for reading this far. Do put an emoji to show you have read it. I value my readers! Go well.

Fuck it.

     It has been a long time since my last blog. And now just a minute ago I read that PSA levels decrease over two years, so this 'long time' is not long enough.
     I went to the hospital yesterday for a blood test and chest xray. This was a strong reminder of having had cancer.Until just nowI thought that the blood test might give me an all clear result.No. It is two years of waiting.
      So .... I wait and do my total health meditation every day and wonder what else I should do; More organic food, less cured meat, more fruit and vegetables, more exercise......right now I want to say 'fuck it' I just want to be normally healthy like I have been all my life.

The Visitors.

       What happened to that month?  Well we had six separate visitors in the five weeks since I last posted. It has been a welcome distraction except of course each visitor asks how I am with that meaningful look that says they mean how am I following radiotherapy.
        And the answer has varied. In the first two weeks I was eagerly awaiting the end of side effects, and enjoying NOT traveling two hours every afternoon. 'My' nurse had said it would take two weeks. 
    During the third week I was feeling very fed up that it was taking longer. In the fourth week I kept thinking all was back to normal until I felt a twinge while peeing or having sex, or detected soreness of skin as I wore a tighter belt or tried to strim.
       In the fifth week I have forgotten all about it, until our sixth guest asked, and then rather a strong reminder on Monday when the hospital rang with my follow up appointment.
        In fact that phone call brought a lot up for me. I am waiting for the all clear. The appointment was brought forward to just before I go to Greece on 15th June. So it is still a long wait, especially as I doubt I will hear for a few days so will probably be in Greece.And until I hear I won't quite feel clear of it all, even though I had a feeling some six or seven weeks ago that the cancer had gone.
           The phone call also reminded me of all having cancer has involved and how I hate having to deal with hospitals. How they did not read the note I left saying when I was going to Greece. How I am not told anything in advance about what will happen when I attend on 13th......and so on.
             And  as I write this there is a lump in my throat hiding a wad of sadness.
           The final hurdle awaits.

One last time...

       My last radio session was different in two ways. I only discovered last week that the sessions can be of higher intensity and noted on Monday that the machine 'fired' at me from seven directions instead of five. On my last session this was back to five.
         The other difference was the notable friendliness of the staff saying goodbye and good luck. The most friendliness in eight weeks!
          So it is all over now. What do I think and feel? My last posting covers a lot of this. The other thing to add is that it has not really penetrated to the deeper levels of me....psychologically I mean!....that it is over.
               Now I wait. Will keep you posted.

Breakdown

     It happened twice last week: the radiotherapy machine was having a bad patch and stopped working after we were already there waiting, as I say twice. At least we did some shopping one day and saw our children the other.
        Now this is my last day......it has been a wearing process. And  it is two or three months until I get the all clear.
        I feel like there are some things I will miss.One is always having something to do in the afternoons, a trip out. And then there is the more illusive and surprising sense of missing having cancer. Those of you that have read this all through will know that I have benefited from much kindness. It has not been everywhere I have looked for it, nor consistent, but definitely there. I will miss this and have resolved to give out more kindness to others so the relationships of kindness continue.
          I am pondering what else I will miss. If I am honest there is a sort of buzz in all this: a weird excitement. I will miss this too.
          I might even miss writing this blog ......for completeness though I will at minimum tell you about today's last treatment and what I am wanting to assume will be the good news when it comes.

Six of the Best

         It has rained a lot this month, apparently the most since 1946. This has no relevance to my cancer except context....I find it is easier to feel optimistic when the sun is shining. This is why I moved to Andalucia.
          It has also been very windy (no jokes about bowel side effect please) which can be pretty tedious ( the outdoor wind I mean) and discourages the out door time we all crave at this time of year.
            Six more sessions to go. It would be five but the bloody suite had a a door failure so we drove there an hour but had no treatment and drove back.
            Despite all this six sessions means the end is within sight and my stress levels are diminishing.
             And perhaps best of all I have a feeling that the cancer has now gone.